Application to Date My Mom

1.  Name _____________________________________  I don't really care, but she might.

2.  Occupation __________________________________  All I really want to know is if you are able to keep me in the manner to which I have become acustomed.  Can you supply the nip man??

3.  Do you have or are you planning on getting any pets?  If you do have pets, what are they?  Most importantly, my Mom wants a dog.  Are you o.k. with that? (I am NOT o.k. with that.) ______________________________________________________________________
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4. K.I.D.S.  I like them, from a distance.  I love it when TAFKAP pets me, he's very gentle.  I love to snuggle with Hannah, she is very gentle and kind.  Ashlyn is o.k.  but that child they call Tater scares the heck out of me.  Do you have any of those things, and if you do, would they leave me alone?  I only like them when I like them.....otherwise I might bite. _____________________________________________________________________
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5.  Can you understand that I am not "OH look at the cute kitty?"  I will come to you if and when I choose, not the other way around.  If you rough me up you will get bitten.  Got it?  ____

6.  Do you have any treats man?  That lady wont get me any because she says I'm too fluffy.
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7.  She also wants to change my food, are you in favor of this decision?
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8.  Would you agree to try and convince her to leave the damn seat up on the toilet.  I like to take a sip from time to time and it freaks her out.
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9.  Oh yeah, I guess I should ask if you will be good to her.....she kind of deserves it.

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Lazy Summer Days

I have been here for more than six months now, and I've known Mom for a little over a year actually.  Last summer I went to live at Papa's house, but it was kind of a scary time for me.  There were new surroundings to get used to, that damn dog, and of course living with Papa is always interesting.....  Plus dealing with my owner just leaving me like that and never coming back.  I did settle into a routine, but spent a lot of time hiding behind the freezer. 

This summer I am enjoying living in the lap of luxury.  My Mom really "gets" who I am, and we bash along together just fine.  I let her brush me now, and don't tell anyone, but I even let her pet my belly.  I love her so much that I even try to groom her sometimes.  She's so nice that she doesn't even kill the flies when they get in, she leaves them for me. Mua ha ha!  She picks up the little bits of the box of anger, without too many dirty looks shot in my direction.  I don't bite on it very much these days.

We had one bump in the road a few weeks ago.  Mom almost got a dog.  That big oaf was lucky I was under the comforter when he nudged me.  Just who the heck did he think he was???  Well, he went home to his own people, and Mom and I are just fine without him.  So there.

I see Papa from time to time, but am kind of missing that old smelly dog, what's her name......  Mom was kind of irritated with me, because I make her earn every piece of affection she gets, but Papa just scoops me up like a baby and I let him pet my belly without any fuss.  *sigh*  I can't help it.  He's just a lovable guy.  Now that I don't have to depend on him to feed me. :)

I think that I am probably five years old now.  When I met Mom a few years ago on Thanksgiving, she thinks I was three.  She thinks that today would be a good day for a birthday, so today it is.  Whatever that means......... 

The Great Escape

I have tried and tried to get out of this apartment.  Every morning I run out into the front hallway and make Mom shoo me back in before she leaves for work.  It's a little game I like to annoy her with when she has her hands full.  I know she's afraid to push me with her foot, cause she wears crocs to work and I have such beautiful, long, sharp teeth.  I usually am more persistant about it right after Sam leaves, I guess I just need to know that she isn't out there.  Not that I like her or anything.

So last night Mom went into the front hall for whatever it is she does out there, and she didn't lock the door.  She thought it was shut, but not all the way!  I was able to pull it open with my adorable little paw, and freedom!  I shot past her and through the next open door, which amazingly lead to the outside.  She jumped, said "Oh no!  Milkie!" and was reaching for me, but I came to a screetching halt on my own right on the porch.  Outside?  Uh......NO!  My food is INSIDE!  So I ran back in through her legs and back into the apartment where I'm safe.  I mean, where the food is.

Happy Fourth!

Well, she has gone and done it again.......  I figured it was easier just to hold the darn flag and look bored than to fight it anymore.

I haven't blogged  much lately, as I have been a really contented cat.  The box of anger has been ignored, and I've been really snuggling up to Mom too.  My dog Sam is visiting, and I've given up pretending that I don't like her.  Although I don't know why Mom just doesn't give Sam her own dish of cat food........ pig.  Life as a cat is good. 

There's a lot of loud noise going on at night and I don't like it.  Mom says it's the Fourth of July and it will quiet down soon.  We also had a huge storm the other night and Sam and I were really scared.  I hid under the bed until Mom got home.  She had to sing the "Milk" song before I would come out.  Yes, she sings to me.  Some song about milk that used to be on Sesame Street (whatever that is) and then she just makes up songs about fat cats.......which is rude...... 

So Happy Fourth of July.........is it over yet?  Will you please stop making all that noise at night and just go to bed???  Thanks.

Pickin' Cardboard

A couple of hours ago Mom was down on the floor on all fours pickin' up my cardboard.  You know, the cardboard I have strewn all over the carpet from the box of anger?  She creeped across the floor, pickin' and pickin' and pickin', muttering things under her breath as she went.  I know, because I was under the table, silently stalking her, like a tiger in the jungle.  Or at least I thought I was stealthy, til I heard "Milkie if you pounce out and bite me I'm going to knock you into next week."   How rude.

My Dog Sam

This is my dog.  Her name is Sam.  You really can't see her all that well in this picture, but that's o.k.  This is MY blog after all!  She's on the bottom bunk, where she belongs, and I am keeping a close eye on her, which is what I like to do.  Sam comes to visit Mom's every once in awhile.  We used to live together out in the country at Papa's house, but we get along better here on my turf.

Sam wasn't feeling too well when she got here, but me and Mom fixed her right up.  Now she's back to eating my food every time I turn my back.  See why I have to keep a close eye?  I think she's going home tomorrow, which means I will get to play with Papa, but then I get my house and my Mom and my food all to myself! 

Conversation between Mom and Sam last night.   

Sam:  It's midnight and I really have to pee!  Please, please, please WAKE UP and take me outside!
Mom:  Hmmm?  Do you need to go out?  O.k. Hang on.
(They go out the front door and I hear....)
Sam:  Hurry up, I have to pee.  Hurry up, I have to pee.  Hurry up, I have to..... THUNDER!  Yikes.  No way am I going out there!

This was repeated four times during the night........  and they call ME special.

The Box of Anger

Here is what's left of the "Box of Anger".  I think maybe Mom should just call it "The Cardboard of Anger" now!  I have managed to pull it apart piece by piece.  I really enjoy spitting those pieces all over the floor.  I'm not a cardboard eater......that would be nuts!   My dog Sam is visiting and I'm too busy keeping my eyes on her to pick at it right now, but when she goes home I'll probably finish it off!  Got to play with Papa a little bit too, so that helps me to be a more well adjusted kitty.

Stalker

Mom talks about stalkers sometimes.  I don't think THIS is what she means!  Don't I look just like a black panther on the prowl?  I love hide and to stalk things.  I'm an excellent mouser, but we don't have any of those here.  Now back at Papa's house it was a different story.  When you live in the country the mice always find you, and that's a good thing!

I'm kind of in the "doghouse" today.  I woke Mom up at 4 am because I wanted to play.  Then when she wouldn't play with me I started bashing around on my bag of litter, until she had to get up and move it.  I don't think "G.D. it Milkie"  is going to get her into heaven on Saturday when the rapture comes.  That's o.k.  someone needs to take care of me!  She says we're going to commandeer Auntie Kate's house because "Hey, we have keys!"

Slipper of Death

The Box of Anger

The last few weeks around here have been really strange.  First my Mom leaves me alone for five days.  FIVE DAYS!  She breezed in for about an hour every afternoon and then poof, gone til the next day.  Something about watching CeCe.  Then that darn dog came back for NINE days!  Well........at least there was company, Mom still didn't get home until late every night.  There have also been a lot of people coming and going.  Something about a funeral.  Then Papa came, but just petted me a bit, took Sam, and left.  I tried to go too.  I wanted to play with him.  No dice.  Is it any wonder "The Box of Anger" is almost shredded to bits?

Yes, I like to bite.  I am not ashamed of it.  Some people think I need to learn to keep my teeth to myself, so I have been trying really hard to be a good girl.  The anger box is allowed, and I have been ripping at it like crazy.  My favorite time to do so is 4 am.  It really gets my point across.

One of Mom's favorite games is called "Slipper of Death."  She raises the ugly purple slipper (which is on her foot) and says SLIPPER OF DEATH.  I raise my paw, and we battle.  It almost always ends with me loosing control and biting, but I have been getting better at just playing ..........sort of.  Last night was not one of my finer moments.  But I got her. OH, did I get her!  Leave me alone for days on end. Ha, I showed her.

Picture it!  Mom raises the slipper of death, I raise my one dainty cute little paw.  She falls for it and I lunge, both paws straight out, doing my best vampire imitation and sink my teeth into the top of her foot.  It was hilarious!  Of course the game was over, and she was done playing with me, but did I care?  NO!  Ahhhhh payback.

p.s.  I heard her snicker.  :)

Stay tuned Milk fans!! 

Got Milk?

Hey Milk Fans!  Mom got me my own blog.  She's too much of a diva to keep sharing hers......  Since this is page one I thought I would go back and share my original blogs with you.  Just in case you stumble into here, so it will be all in order and everything.  You can check out my Mom's blog too, if you want.  She is nowhere near as cute as I am. :)     queenie930.blogspot.com


Here's a link to my very first blog EVER!    http://queenie930.blogspot.com/2011/02/milk-report.html

I hope that works, cause I'm pretty new at this blogging thing.  Plus my blog is way more sophisticated than the Queen's.  I'm just that kind of gal.


Here's the one I wrote after Auntie Kate bought me the catnip!  http://queenie930.blogspot.com/2011/03/milk-report.html

In this one I am showing off my famous "Puss In Boots" innocent kitty look.  http://queenie930.blogspot.com/2011/03/milk-report_30.html

Finally here is my Easter humiliation.   http://queenie930.blogspot.com/2011/04/milk-report_24.html

Hope that works!  That should catch everyone up, and we can continue on in my next blog post, coming soon! 

Stay tuned Milk fans!